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Facebook asks what's on my mind? Oh many many things..pondering aloud. Yesterday I ran through a makeshift practice for a worship night. I keep plugging at that idea, because I'm so homebound at present. I miss you Kathleen, right now it's just to hard for me to go your way, and a bit much to expect for you to come this way, but, our like-minded thinking towards worship is a blessing and I truly miss it. So yesterday I put together some songs and found a guitarist, and he can play very well, but comes from a vastly different mentality for worship. Describing his church's team as a great band that can really crank up the sound. I don't know, I'm not into the whole rock band pep rally theme. I am a deep cries to deep person.
So few connect to that idea.
I feel like in so many areas in the spiritual I am a disco ball in the midst of well orchestrated, music scholars who want opera not light.
Show not passionate pursuit.
Yeah.
(That you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who faith and patience inherit the promises. Hebrews 6:12)
I want to inherit God's promises for me. Some of those wrapped around worship. Some around prosperity not built around finance per say. Just promises God made this girl.
Faith and patience.
That I have.Connections with people who get it, not so much.
I am not a status quo person, I don't run with the herd because everyone does it.
The Lord lays this stuff on my heart and I speak it on Facebook and in doing so realize I just ran against the flow.
The flow says , go this way, agree with this, talk like this, look like this..
And here lies Tara,like cheap specks of mirrored light in the midst of folks who want to sound like the next best Rock band or ballroom opera.
I don't want half hearted worship forsaking heart and passion for a great sound.
I told a story yesterday that is the epitemy of what I've seen and known. In truth it's a rarety I release what's welled up inside me on any church body, most want status quo, or that fresh out of college sound and look. So I reserve much, I'm unwittingly offensive if I'm myself, a while back I went to a church where I was comfortable. I had done a lot of stuff with this body and have for years. So when they asked me to sing I did. And I thought, this is family I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and give them all the passion I feel for Christ in this song. Afterwards, the Pastor rose to speak, the words that fell from his lips a gentle rebuke to me. " That was dramatic'" he said. This church screams. Hollers, wails. But my heart for Christ was dramatic. I felt the scensor to my core. cheap ball gowns
People wonder why I hold back..here's your sign!
If I fell into the acceptable, if I had acted the part as others do, if I had sounded like the herd, it would have been acceptable..But give out a dance as David danced style full Monte worship, and nope. Not having it . And it's funny some have said come here we will take you. But it's always IF you sing our stuff, or ware our robes, dress our dress codes, or sound our style.
So I've looked for people of like mind. Who hunger for deeper relationship with Christ and others..who desire to love and be loved, to embrace each other, not as we think is perfect..but as Christ works in one another.. who would think such a simple thing could be such a monstrous undertaking.
Give me Jesus.
Give me his peace and His heart. Let me ware it as a band across my forehead. I don't want the latest sound, generic as fake captain crunch cereal. I don't want a perfect band, or a studied orchestra..don't want it ! Give me Jesus.
Dramatic life changing Jesus.
Let him ever be the shards of light reflecting off my sad little disco ball.
He and I can sing over one another.
Yes lovies I can fit into the comfort zone of pews. I can ware the gowns and sing the words, and fit in.
But, I won't.
I'm standing in line for my inherited promises.
Give me Jesus.